After a breakup, you can expect to experience a plethora of different and sometimes unexpected emotions. While Hollywood films tend to depict the period of intense heartbreak ending with the consumption of countless bottles of Rosé, tubs of Ben & Jerry’s and viewings of Bridget Jones’ Diary, all of us who have ever experienced a broken heart are aware that it can take months to grieve and get over a failed relationship.
In fact, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but popular culture informs us that it takes half the amount of time that you were with someone to get over them… In other words, you’re going to be feeling down and out for some time yet.
As such, many of us flirt with the temptation to get back together with our exes. However, in the majority of cases, this has more to do with feeling alone than a genuine desire to be reunited with the old flame. So if you’re experiencing this particular conundrum, here are seven sure-fire signs that you should refrain from rekindling the fire, lest it start an actual blaze.
1. You had good reason to let them go
Ultimately, your ex is your ex for a reason. Regardless of how happy you were during the honeymoon period, if you quickly realised that you were fundamentally opposed on several significant things, you’re not likely to fix such issues just by reconciling. Some people just aren’t compatible enough to make it long-term.
2. If trust has been compromised, run for the hills
Trust is the pillar on which successful relationships are built upon. As such, if your trust in your partner has been compromised, it’s unlikely that rekindling a relationship before you’re well and truly ready will be able to reverse the damage that has been done.
3. You need an ego boost
However fraught it may be, when you’re in a relationship, you’re at least comforted by the knowledge that another human being truly loves and cares about you. After a breakup, you lose that security net, and it’s only natural to feel a little lonely, especially if things aren’t particularly blowing up in the dating world.
While entering into blissful companionship again may seem like the easiest solution, think about whether it was ever was that blissful to begin with before diving in.
4. You’re finding the dating scene difficult
Once you’ve been out of the veritable cesspool that is dating, on your return, you may find it nigh on impossible to navigate it at first. This makes running back to your ex incredibly appealing, but think long and hard about your motives for going back to them – is it just because you’re lonely and feel a little insecure?
If so, it’s a better idea to spend some time focusing on yourself. You can start the process of enriching your life by trying out different hobbies and pastimes that you wouldn’t have time for if you were in a relationship.
5. You still haven’t processed the breakup
If there’s any hope of rekindling things with your ex, you have to ensure that you’ve actually dealt with the emotional ramifications of the breakup. If not, you’re just doomed to repeat history…
6. You assume that they can fix your problems
If they couldn’t solve your woes whilst you were together, chances are they won’t be able to do it now. Yes, you’ll feel better in the short term, but give it a few weeks and you’ll be right back where you started.
7. You’re worried that you’ll never love again
I know you’ve heard it several times but I’m going to repeat it anyway: there are lots of fish in the sea, many of which that are a better catch than your ex. If it wasn’t working, try to refrain from forcing it and settling for someone who will never be right for you. Instead, exercise patience and wait for someone better to come around.