While I’m sure the concept of a first date sounds exciting to those of you who have never been on one, I can assure you that they aren’t. They generally involve spending too much money, getting far too drunk, and dealing with the dawning realisation that the majority of humanity is so different to you that they may as well be from another planet.Take the following Reddit posts for example, which reveal the very worst dates various people have been on. The harrowing list will make you laugh, cry, and feel more than a little terrified at the state of humanity. You have been warned.
“The guy asked her to show up wearing red, anything red. She wore a red skirt with red nails. He drove her to a well known make out spot and tried to convince her to dance beside the car while he played “Lady In Red” from the tape deck. As I understand, she wasn’t impressed.”
“He initiates a dinner date. Dinner date ends up being with his extended family. Since he drove us, I get stuck back at his mom’s home with extended family while he disappeared somewhere. I’m not even socially comfortable around my own extended family.”
“Ask to wear matching outfits. I wish I was kidding.”
“Trying to fingerblast me at dinner.”
“Don’t ask her a question and then turn your attention to something else. It’s rude and insulting. Also, if she’s going to put in the effort to get dressed up and go on a date with you, at least have the courtesy of leaving your phone in your pocket unless it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary to use it (she should also be doing the same thing).”
“Wear too much cologne. Be on your phone. Talk about your ex. I had a man who brought her up and said I reminded him of her. I’ve also had men just talk about how much they hated their exes it’s just awkward.”
“Dude asks me out and says he wants to take me with him on a group trip with his friends to six flags. I was so excited. The day before he calls me to tell me he has to cancel due to work. Ok, whatever, at least he called. A few days later a mutual friend stops by to hang out and shows me pictures from their six flags trip. Dude was in them with a different girl on his arm. Mutual friend didn’t know I was originally invited, but joke’s on him, that girl turned out to be a meth-head and gave him chlamydia.”
“Don’t take your date to olive garden, slurp your soup up really really fast, use your finger to get the remaining traces out of the bowl and lick your fingers, and then request two more soup refills in a row so i have to endure this torture again and again
edit: forgot to mention that i was 17 at the time and really thought he was a nice guy despite this, so i excused this (i know) and we dated for 6 long months afterwards. he unfortunately repeated this offense on several more occasions, one time mentioning, “man, my mom REALLY hates when i do this!”
“Don’t flirt with the waiter. And the girl sitting next to us. And my roommate…”
“Ask, “Are you a natural blonde?” then shift your eyes to my crotch.”
“Don’t speculate what color hair and eyes the kids will have. Seriously–I hadn’t been through one meal with the fellow and he already thinks I’ll bear his children? Yikes!”
Over the course of this article, we’ve heard about some pretty terrible first dates. None of these however, are quite as bad as the article I’m about to share. In it, one woman drinks far too much coffee, takes a poop, and, well… I’ll just let her explain.